Falling apart is a part of the process

Dear human,

Have you ever asked yourself, why do we fall apart?

It seems to be an unavoidable aspect of being human. We see it happen all around us, and we experience it many times in our lives. Big life changes like the death of a loved one, a separation, an accident or even losing a job can set off the sensation that our foundation is crumbling.

And no other image feels more reflective of my own experience of falling apart than the falling of a tree in a dense forest.

An axe, a bolt of lightning or some other drastic trigger causes the tree to fall. On its way down, it causes massive destruction around it. The forest looks different now, and we tend to get stuck on what was crushed by the tree. Now the animals and plants of the forest need to find their place on this new forest floor.

Uncomfortable and scared, we mourn the loss of our points of reference. The first days are the hardest. 

Then the sun shines through the new hole in the forest canopy. Light hits the floor. Now, seeds from other plants and trees that had never seen the sun start to germinate. Sunrises and sunsets come and go.

The animals and plants have found their places, surrounded by new trees that could have never been if the previous tree didn’t fall down. New opportunities show up, bringing new birds and flowers as the forest changes.
I believe falling apart has the same virtue for humans. Our spirits being the forest, our beliefs and attachments being the trees and our thoughts and emotions the animals and other plants.

When we fall apart, as painful and uncomfortable as it feels, it becomes an opportunity to build a new version of ourselves. The more you are aware of it, the more you can intentionally choose which trees you want to plant.

Let me clarify that I do not believe being aware of this makes the experience any less difficult, but I do believe it also gives us hope. I think it’s one of those moments where we experience the duality of the human experience: how arduous and beautiful it can be at the same time.

I’ve found myself falling apart more than once. When I left my home country as a teenager, when I got divorced, when I found myself behind the wheel of a car accident. At those moments, reality breaks apart and what I thought never could be, is, and pain floods in.

But now I can find some hope in that pain, because the pain we experience is a reflection of the space opening up in our spirit. We have the opportunity to be really picky about the beliefs and attachments we want to include moving forward. We can build the version of ourselves we always wanted.

Falling apart will remain for me a good thing. I’ll secretly be excited for my loved ones when it happens to them. Even though I will feel their pain, I will also get to see their evolution. Getting closer to being the best versions of themselves will always be what I want for them, and it will make me happy.